Yale is done.

At 10:45 am yesterday morning, the Yale percussion students helped me move all of my gear into the percussion studio to play what was definitely the most important audition of my life thus far. At around 8:30 pm yesterday, I was back in Baltimore, in the apartment I left looking exactly how I left it. Surreal to say the least.

All in all, I suppose I'm pretty happy about the way I played. I started with the first movement of Dances of Earth and Fire (so, just the earth), followed by Omar I, followed by a three minute free vibraphone improvisation, followed by sight-reading (which ended up being the preludes to the second and fifth Bach cello suites), followed by timpani: Carter's March, Mozart Symphony No. 39, Symphonic Metamorphosis, Burleske. From Timpani I moved to snare drum and played my Delécluse etude (No. 1) and just the first excerpt from Scheherazade, which was followed by my two keyboard excerpts (La Mer on glockenspiel and Exotic Birds on xylophone), and ended with (barely enough time for) about half of my theater/set-up piece, ...And Points North.

There were definitely things that I wish I had played better, but there were also things that I played much better than I was expecting. Of course, nerves played a huge factor in my audition, but I knew they would and did my best to prepare for it. I still wish that I could figure out a way to play snare drum without getting the shakes--snare drum is an instrument that I've worked very hard on improving, especially in the past year. It's very frustrating to work on something that hard, but lose about 50% of the work to shaking hands. Most of the practicing I did for this audition (as well as in general this year) was on snare drum.

There were nine total in the finals. I got the opportunity to meet and talk to most of them. Obviously, I already knew my Peabody comrade, Adam Rosenblatt--but other than us, people were coming from anywhere from Texas and Cleveland to China and Singapore. Everybody was really nice, and everybody was really good. When we were all sitting in the studio, taking our written exam/group interview, it sort of dawned on me: of the sixty-plus applicants who sent in tapes, Adam and I were invited to sit with seven of the best percussionists coming out of undergraduate school. For a few minutes, I literally could not believe I was sitting there with them.

As happy as I was with my audition, I really have no idea what's going to happen. Bob told us in our group interview that YSM is only looking to accept one, maybe two applicants. I had known this before, but being there with everybody really put it in perspective. There is literally a 1 in 9 chance that I will get in--maybe a 2 in 9 chance if I'm lucky. Everybody there was a different kind of musician, and everyone had something different to say.

I feel like, more than anything else, I wanted to show them that I was a musician before I was a percussionist. I didn't want them to think "what a good timpanist" or "what a good marimba player", or even "wow he's good at improvising" (which was a portion of the audition I think I was the only one to include). I wanted them to hear that more than anything else, in the core of all of my playing, I value making music over everything else. It doesn't matter what instrument I'm doing it on, or what setting I'm doing it in--making music was something that I was both fluent and fully invested in.

I find out before March 19th. While I was practicing at Yale, I felt strangely at ease. I felt really comfortable there, practicing fervently with all of my competition all around me, in their dirty basement studio. That place just reeked of real, down to earth hard work. I really felt like I could belong there.

I hope they felt the same way about me.

The grind

Well, Magfest came and went, and as usual it was a blast. I bought a bunch of video games (Final Fantasy Anthologies, Final Fantasy Chronicles, and Final Fantasy 7!), had a bunch of great jams with people, and even had an extended vacation when a handful of OCR folks stayed at my place for an additional three days. It was a lot of fun!

But now that the fun is over with, I've spent most of this month working the hardest I ever have. Lots has happened, but to summarize:

• My Yale audition is February 22nd
• My recital is either March 10th/11th, or April 15th
• I'm no longer enrolled as a student at Peabody, but am playing in orchestra in exchange for practice room usage.

Now that I have deadlines, I've basically spent every moment I have preparing for them in whatever ways I can. My hands have been the best they've been in a long time, and a 4 hour practice day is no longer a feat. I generally put in 3-5 hours of practice every day, depending on how much time I have. Sometimes my arms will give me some negative feedback, and I will have to rest--but for the most part they've done very well.

The only exception to this is my marimba playing, still. I'm having to practice with what my studio friend Adam Rosenblatt calls "Bastard Grip"--basically, Stevens grip in my left hand and Burton grip in my right. I want to be able to play with just Stevens grip, but right now my back two fingers and the muscles connected to them just can't provide the strength/support that I need to practice for a long time. So when I play marimba, about 75% of my practice is done with bastard grip--and the last 25% is done with matched Stevens.

The Yale deadline is fast approaching, and by February 22nd I need to play Donatoni's Omar, Klatzow's Dances of Earth and Fire, Delecluse's Etude No. 1 for snare drum, Carter's March for timpani, timpani excerpts from Beethoven's Symphony No. 9, Strauss' Burleske, Mozart's Symphony No. 39, Hindemith's Symphonic Metamorphosis, snare drum excerpts from Rimsky-Korsakov's Scheherazade, xylophone excerpts from Messiaen's Exotic Birds, and glockenspiel excerpts from Debussy's La Mer--with the option of also playing my first movement of Smith's ...And Points North and Cirone's Etude No. 32 if I want. Much of this list is on my A list--a.k.a, pieces/excerpts I know well. This would include all of the excerpts, as well as Delecluse 1. The Carter would definitely be on my B list--I know the piece and almost have it memorized, but it needs a lot of polish.

The two big pieces, Omar and Dances, are on my C list--I'm still learning the notes. Most of my work has been on these pieces, and by forcing myself to learn a set amount of notes daily, I'm finding it becomes easier and easier. As of today, I have a page and a half of Dances left to learn, and a few lines less than a very large page of Omar. I do think by this time next week, if I can keep my pace up, I will be done learning the notes to both pieces. I will definitely be done with Dances, but as challenging as Omar is to learn, I think I can do it.

This audition will be the single most important moment of my life thus far. So, lets do it!

Winter Break!

Hey ya'll, it's been a while since I posted in here last. Been super busy with school--percussion concert, Cynthia Yeh masterclass, Tom Freer masterclass, etc etc. All of which went really well! All and all it was a great semester for me. Music for Pieces of Wood, which I mentioned in my last post, went really well--and helped my arms out a lot. My marimba-related problems are getting a lot better too, even though they're still somewhat present. My physical therapist seemed to find the part of my arm that was causing the problems, so I've only seen improvement since.

My grad school plans have changed a lot since the last update as well. I had a long talk with Bob about what my options were, and he pretty much left me with two options: I audition for Yale this year and get in, or I don't get in and try again next year. He seemed to think taking a semester off might actually be a bad idea, and going to a different grad school first would just leave me exhausted. He told me he thought I was ready, and he didn't think I would be playing that much more at Yale than I am here now. Him saying that definitely gave me a lot more hope, so I'm feeling pretty optimistic now. All I have to do is get this freakin' recital ready first!

I'm back home in Connecticut now, on my new laptop. Just flew in this evening, actually. This computer is super awesome--it's a Toshiba running Windows Vista. However, it came with a free mail-in upgrade to Windows 7! I am super excited about that. I recently got a job working at RadioShack (to fill in the slow winter season on Spirit Cruises right now), and found this there on clearance. This computer is a huge improvement from my last one, and I'm excited about all the music I'll (hopefully) be able to create with it. I need to get my Dwelling of Duels entry ready for Magfest!

Not much to say here, really. Or rather, too much to say in one blog post. Mainly just wanted to indicate to you all (and myself) that I'm still alive!

Grad School

I'm over halfway into this semester now, and I'm beginning to realize that I probably wont be able to learn my recital rep in time for my recital...whenever that's going to be. I guess we'll see what happens. My arms are way better than they were after the So incident now... but unfortunately there's still something wrong with my right arm. It mainly bothers me when I play marimba, but I even noticed it while playing Music for Pieces of Wood by Steve Reich yesterday (I'm beginning to find that my favorite composer may actually be my body's greatest foe). I guess I'll just have to keep doing what I'm doing, and wait and see what happens.

As I think ahead to auditioning for grad school next year, I've found myself having to explore more possibilities than just "I want to go to Yale." In fact, I'd say it's turned into something more like "I want to go to _____ so I can get ready for Yale." Yale is still my dream, and I know I can make it there someday if I have enough time... but how do I have enough time?

There are two ways that this year can end. I graduate, and get into Yale (or have reason to believe that I could be there very soon), or I graduate and don't get into Yale (or have reason to believe I couldn't be there very soon). Either way, I think I want to take a year off in between college and grad school. My arms are getting better every day, but I'm going to need to be playing way more per day than I am now. I'm just about caught up to what I consider to be the "Peabody average", or the amount of time you need to practice to stay on track here, but I know Yale will add a good 2-3 hours at least to whatever that is. A year off would give me a lot of time to prepare for the physical demands grad school will have.

If I get in to Yale this year (or if Bob recommends I wait until next year to audition), I'll spend my year off in Connecticut. Before school starts, I'd want to try to find work and be able to start building/rebuilding all of the Connecticut connections that I could have. That means playing jazz gigs again, trying to work more closely with the school systems, possibly doing the ARC program (Alternate Route to Certification) and becoming certified to teach, continuing to try to build a teaching reputation around the town and getting a steady job--music related or not. Of course, I'll be practicing throughout all of this, possibly even getting lessons from whoever I can...but without the stress of the regular playing commitments being in college presents.

If I do not get into Yale (or Bob recommends that I don't audition), I just began seriously considering doing my (first!) masters at the University of Miami in jazz vibraphone. Svet Stoyanov, who taught me for two years at Peabody, just started his job as the professor of percussion down there--in my last conversation with him, he remarked about how serious the jazz program seemed. The more I think about it, this could be a great opportunity to really polish my jazz chops and re-identify with that part of my musical personality--but still keep my classical chops in place by taking lessons with Svet. Plus, who could say no to two years in Miami? If that all goes well, I could audition for Yale after those two years and possibly be in even better shape for the audition than I would be otherwise. If I go down this track, I'd want to spend my year off in Baltimore--I've got so much work lined up here, as well as a great apartment, it would be silly to leave it and start the job search all over again in Connecticut. I'll also have more flexibility to go home more often throughout the year.

Of course, this could all backfire in my face, and I could end up at Yale next year. Or I could end up with a real job next year. Or I could end up in another country for whatever reason next year. Maybe I'll go to school for composition. Maybe the band I just joined will make it big and I'll be a rock star. Maybe I'll develop telekinesis. Who knows.

More Tendon crap

It's been 3 weeks since I hurt myself playing with So Percussion, and today I started to feel actual pain while playing. I know I whine about this a lot here, but it really concerns me. I don't really have time to take off from playing this year, so I need this to pass. I'm seeing my therapist again on Friday, so hopefully he can help me out.

Even though Thursdays are my busiest days, I'm going to try to start moving tomorrow. I have to teach jazz ear training in the morning, then go to orchestra until 5:30, but after I eat dinner maybe I can find some time to move stuff before I go to choir rehearsal at 7. I guess it's only an hour, but hey--it's a start. I'll start moving stuff for real on Friday.

I can't wait to get out of this apartment--even though I love it. The last month here has been a real struggle--the building's completely empty, the ceiling is falling apart and I have had no motivation to keep the place clean--simply because I'm leaving soon. But I'm really going to miss this place. I have a lot of fond memories about this apartment, even though it was basically my tendinitis jail cell. I wish I could go back to the beginning of my junior year of college. I was at school practicing all day (with no pain!), would get to hang out with all my friends there, and then come home to my roommate mixing rum and cokes and playing Wii sports. What a great time! Hanging out with him was awesome, practicing all day was awesome... I wish I hadn't spent so much of that time being sad about the break-up I went through over the summer. Of course, then the pain kicked in at the beginning of November... and the rest is history.

But even still: re-arranging furniture, getting plants, playing Chrono Cross with the windows open in the springtime, reading on my roof, jamming with Nick, and heck, getting drunk just because we could. I'll probably even miss doing dishes with a dishwasher (new place doesn't have one!) All of these things are memories now, but they are memories that I will hold close for the rest of my life. Even the little things. Especially the little things.

By the way, I'm an unbelievably nostalgic person.

Optimisim

Just got back from another basketball game... pulled something in my neck almost immediately (can't look to the left right now), but it was fun to run around and stuff. I might be going to Philly to see the orchestra play Berlioz' Symphoy Fantastique tomorrow or Saturday, not sure yet. I was going to run the Baltimore 5K on Saturday morning, but it sold out right before my boss called me to confirm that I had that morning off. Go figure.

I don't know how other people experience this sort of thing (or even if they do), but I've always been fairly keen on what one would call "gut feelings". For me, it's just something that lingers in the background of whatever your thinking of... but sometimes, if you notice it, it will be glaringly obvious how a situation will turn out. It could be as stupid as a game of rock-paper-scissors, bringing your hand down and thinking "oh, I'm going to win this one" (which you do), or as crazy as Kei Maeda (a fellow percussionist at Peabody who doesn't really play basketball) dribbling a basketball at half-court, saying "I'm going to make this one. I feel it." (He made that half-court shot--and only that one).

The fact of the matter is, at least for me, they're there. You can't look for it, you can't fabricate it--it's just there, and you have to get lucky enough to notice it. It was the feeling I had going into my senior year of school--I thought my hands were good enough to go back to playing, but something just didn't feel right. Turns out, I wasn't ready to go back into playing full time. Same thing happened this year, and I was in way better shape than last year. Something just didn't feel right, and lo and behold--I injured myself playing with So.

But today, while playing snare drum, I caught myself thinking about how happy I was to be playing back in the studio, with Vikki (another percussionist, obviously) also playing in the room next to me. We both would always be practicing at the same time before we got injured, and it was nice to be doing it again. Then all the sudden, the thought crossed my mind:

"I'll really look forward to it next semester, when I'm completely healed."

That's when I realized...that gut anxiety I've had is gone. Even though I'm injured right now, it's gone. Suddenly it was just granted that everything would be back to normal. That normally doesn't happen that way, at least for me.

I dunno. I think a sign is a sign. I'm going to heed that sign...I like what it's saying. Of course, I'll still be careful--that's part of the deal. But I'll keep my head up, shoulders back, and just keep moving forward.

Just as soon as I get my neck looked at. Ow.

Music and exercise

I just got back from a soccer game over at Hopkins. It was like, twelve of us from Peabody against a simple six man team from Hopkins. They creamed us, 8-0. But it was so much fun!

I'm realizing how important it is, as a musician, to get exercise. From the mental perspective, being shut into Peabody for so long really does a number on you, and sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is to get out and run around. I've been in a slump lately, and this helped so much.

The physical side is super important as well though, and for me probably the most important. My right arm, for the moment, feels great. All that blood flow really does the body good. A warm muscle is a happy muscle, and my muscles really need that blood to keep them warm and help them heal. We'll see how it feels tomorrow, but for the time being I am happy.

I wish I could say the same for my right leg, though. My IT band is giving me the same pain that I have to deal with every once and a while. I'm pretty sure at this point I have some sort of predisposition to overuse injury, and I'd love to find out what it is.